50+ Cool Quotes & Sayings – Clever & Funny
What are some cool quotes?
This collection of quotes are all different, cheeky and funny. They are short and to the point, making them great for captions too.
You know that feeling when you want to laugh and smile? You just feel-good inside. That is the feeling we wanted to share with you through this post of cool and funny quotes. We have compiled a list of some of our favorites, along with images as well.
Enjoy scrolling down to see what made us laugh today!
“Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.” Unknown
“Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.” Unknown
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” Bill Watterson
“I can resist everything except temptation.” Oscar Wilde
“I’m a mirror. If you’re cool with me, I’m cool with you, and the exchange starts. What you see is what you reflect. If you don’t like what you see, then you’ve done something. If I’m standoffish, that’s because you are.” Jay-Z
“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.” Walt Whitman
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” Mitch Hedberg
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Steve Martin
“Every bad situation is a blues song waiting to happen.” Amy Winehouse
“What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.” Christopher Fry
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg
“I don’t think I’ve seen anyone laughing on the way to a bank.” Ric Ducommun
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.” Don Marquis
“Instant gratification takes too long.” Carrie Fisher
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” Rita Mae Brown
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Mark Twain
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” Albert Einstein
“Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.” Alexander Woollcott
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.” Margaret Mead
“So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.” Unknown
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” Lily Tomlin
“By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.” Richard Dawkins
“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.” Mark Twain
“If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” Steven Wright
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” Will Rogers
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.” Bill Murray
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” Matt Groening
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” Rodney Dangerfield
“Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.” Mark Twain
“Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.” Laurence J. Peter
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” W. C. Fields
“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” Mark Twain
“Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.” Franklin Jones
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.” Groucho Marx
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” Steven Wright
“The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.” Josh Billings
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” Terry Pratchett
“On the other hand, you have different fingers.” Steven Wright
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?” Phyllis Diller
“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” Clarence Darrow
“Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.” Will Rogers
“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.” Thomas Sowell
“I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.” Unknown
Short Cool Quotes
These simple, cool quotes are all super short, which makes them great for captions:
“Black Holes are where God divided by zero.” Albert Einstein
“Have no fear of perfection. You’ll never reach it.” Salvador Dali
“Never test the depth of the water with both feet.” African Proverb
“I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.” Mitch Hedberg
“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.” Unknown
“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” George Carlin
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.” Joan Rivers
“If you stumble, make it part of the dance.” Unknown
Interested in reading and seeing more cool and funny quotes? Be sure to check out:
