22 Short & Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

There are lots of amazing, deep love quotes that come in very handy around Valentine’s Day.

You can text them, include them in a card, or profess your love however you like. But if you’re wanting light and funny quotes on love and taking the mickey out of Valentine’s, then the following short but funny quotes are more up your alley:

Short Funny Valentine’s Day Quotes

short funny valentines quotes

“You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.” Henny Youngman


“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Albert Einstein


“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” Dolly Parton


“The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.” Blaise Pascal


“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” Mae West

funny love quote

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on x-rays, but you know it’s there.” George Burns


“Love is a grave mental illness.” Plato


“I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.” David Young


“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” Melanie White


“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” Lewis Black


“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” Will Ferrell

funny valentines quote

“By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” Socrates


“As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right, or you can be happy.” Ralphie May


“I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” Steve Martin


“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” Groucho Marx


“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.” Friedrich Nietzsche


“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” Jenny Han


“Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.” Benjamin Franklin


“Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” Megan Mullally


“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” Rita Rudner


“If love is the answer, then could you rephrase the question?” Lily Tomlin


“Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position.” Christopher Marlowe


For more inspiring love quotes, be sure to check out:

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